name: kimberly j swan
age: unknown
last known where abouts: the armpit of the universe
likes: dirty martinis, naked men, partially naked men, weird food, smoking
dislikes: beer, fully clothed men, bland food, people telling me to quit smoking
enjoys a good: back rub, theatrical show (which excludes a.l. webber... hes a moron), being appericated
doesnt enjoy: unintelligent people trying to have intelligent converations (aka "your brain cell must be lonely, so shut up), morons in general
income: what income? im a freaking waitress college student
height: short
weight: stop asking me stupid questions!!
- there are only two things that dont lie, numbers and cameras... and you still cant trust those, everything else is a reaction based on personal experience, infulence, predisposition and preemption.... so... uhh... good luck
- (upon learning that fruits are plant embryos) *spoken quite loudly during a lecture* "OH MY GOD! we eat BABIES!!"
- "wait you take mastercard and visa here at taco bell? my life is now complete"
- when in doubt, show the police officer your drivers license, and politely explain that you car is parked down town, and your just trying to get to the train so that you arn't driving drunk... even if you don't own a car, you WILL get out of a public intox
- men think about "stuff" occasionally, women think about "stuff" constantly, and assume that men do the same, unfourtantly women also make bizarre scenarios up in their heads to explain why men act the way they do, and assume the worst.... which would be why women make no sense ( i know i am one... a woman that is... and one that makes no sense and derives much please out of cornering men)
- the meaning of life is actually a pretty simple and basic application of quantum mechanics, quantum philosophy, add a quater teaspoon of fruedian humanity concepts and a dash of plato and *POOF*, it all makes perfect sense... its about as easy as making a pizza... with one of those premade crust things
- discover the path to enlightment, get your olives stuffed with bleu cheese when ordering a dirty martini... and skip the vermouth, it like the orange barrell on the road of enlightenment
- stop being so close-minded, try everything at least three times... i know sushi doesnt SOUND increadibly appitizing, but dont say you hate seafood when your only experience with it is a long john silvers... or some cafeteria fishsticks... grow a mind and lets continue here people
- never treat a subsitute teacher like garbage, always treat her with respect, for, perhaps, someday she will treat you to a fun day, where you get to watch movies and eat junk food all day... all for the purpose of education.... however spite the subsitute and feel her never ending wrath of nonstop essay tests
- anything and everything can be fixed with baked goods
- traffic cops are people too
- just like men like to look at magazine women, women like to look at cartoon men... their hot... and they dont exist in real life, just like the magazine women, so lets all get over it and realize that were all not perfect, and thats OK
- for the guys, its not disgusting when a woman talks about her "cycle" (refrains from using the "P" word... unwillingly), and after a while, when your with one long enough, you'll realize that the only time you going to get "it" as often as you like is the week before her "cycle"... so get over it... however as my father used to say " i never trust something that bleeds for more then 4 days and doesnt die" so then again...
- its OK to be a geek, for geekith est goodith und junkith
- olde english is crappith and should not be usedith everith... seriously, who thought that "asce" should represent the sound "SH"... ( damn you Beowulf)? silly english people (TEA AND CAKE OR DEATH!) *frowniths upon King James*
- sick of ramen? try oatmeal ($ 3.29 for the big can, approx. 2 solid weeks of decent sized servings), better for you, easier to stomach, just add a little margerine ( ~ $2 for the tub) and some sugar (~$1 for the can o' cheap stuff) and VOILA! two weeks worth of food for a measly ~$6, beat that you ramen nastiness, you might be 5 for a $1 but your not filling, thus you equal out to be $20 for two weeks worth of food!
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